The morning after day one of The EC One Year Anniversary Party I posted the following on Emergent Commons.
https://www.theschooloflife.com/article/how-we-are-easily-triggered-and-why/
As I reflect back over the past nine months as a member of Emergent Commons, about 90% of my experience was positive and about 10% was negative. That mirrors my experience of life. About 90% of my days are good days and about 10% are not. And that is good enough. I am skeptical about this ever getting better, but I am open to the possibility.
In nine months I have been triggered a few times at EC. Four members, all men, have triggered me to some degree, but none of them are responsible for my emotional reactions. In one way this has nothing to do with EC because I am also triggered in other circumstances. I have been triggered by very good friends. I have been triggered by my wife, but that is not open to further discussion at EC.
Yesterday I was suddenly and unexpectedly triggered at The EC One Year Anniversary Party 3 (of 4). Fortunately this was handled well by those present and we all stayed. I was okay by the end of our time together. It was a safe space, as is EC generally. However, afterwards I began to ruminate.
When I went to bed last night I had no desire to attend the EC One Year Anniversary Party 4 (of 4). And, as is often the case, this morning I felt quite differently. In recent years I have come to understand that my unconscious mind works hard while I am asleep. Now I want to go. And I want to write and share this post.
Often I look to The School of Life for wisdom and I did so this morning.
Reflecting back again, I was once triggered by something posted at EC shortly before a scheduled meeting of the private Crafting Communitas Crew. My Crewmates allowed me to process this with them which was so very therapeutic. It was a very safe space within a safe space. I hope every EC member has such a very safe space, but I doubt it. However, I do not doubt that more such spaces can emerge in year 2 of EC.
I do not see triggering as a problem to be solved. There are no easy answers and perhaps we just need to be with the triggerings without further processing. Perhaps there are no answers yet anywhere, only bits and pieces of answers yet to coalesce into something that works on a global scale. Personally, I will keep working on myself but I may not live long enough for this to resolve.
I do not want this post to get more attention than it deserves at the Party this evening. We have lots more to talk about. With some excitement, I am now looking forward to being with you at the Party and I would like to thank those who made this event happen.
The EC One Year Anniversary Party 4 (of 4) was excellent. My sense of connection to this community grew during the Party and I am looking forward to year two. I am particularly impressed with how the community is handling conflict between members. Perhaps I am more easily triggered than many of the EC members. I know I have much to learn and I am hungry to do better.
During year one I had blocked four members out of concern for my own psychological well being. These people are now unblocked and it is my intention to not block any members in the future. Instead, I hope to work through any serious negative reactions I might experience and draw on the support of other members if necessary.
Shadow and trauma work are areas of growth that are often talked about at EC, and in other communities. I have read articles on these subjects but have not personally done the work. However, I am now open to other members telling me what they see as my shadow. But even as I write this I have concerns that some members who do not know me well may be too quick to do so.
Although I have not studied the matter, my intuition tells me that there is much more to triggering than resolving our emotional trauma or bringing our shadow into the light. These are good lenses for examining our behavior but probably not the only useful ones. For example, I do not know how much of my behavior is driven by my genetic heritage and this seems significant.
Collective Presencing convinced me of the importance of a group for personal growth and the limitations of acting as an individual. However, for some reason communities actualizing the theory did not resonate strongly with me. But I continue to feel that Emergent Commons is what I have been looking for.
As usual, Peter Limberg resonates strongly with me.
David Fuller and I have been engaging with a new memetic tribe we dubbed the “Critique Sphere” because we both sense the role and archetype of the critic are needed. Even if a critique, whether of truth claims or behaviour, is delivered in a “good faith” way, it still can emotionally sting, especially if it is delivered unexpectedly, publicly, and challenges foundational aspects of one’s worldview. It is best to honor this: there needs to be a certain emotional agency to receive and process critique.
I sense that we have several members of the Critique Sphere tribe at Emergent Commons. My sense is that these are the people who triggered me during year one. But now I think I can see a bit more clearly. We need the critics and the ones at Emergent Commons all seem to me to be acting in good faith. For my part, I will work hard at not being triggered by challenges to foundational aspects of my worldview.
Stoans are called to bring their unique self to the world, along with their unique gift, and to do this they are often called to put themselves on the internet in some form: a blog, podcast, video channel, etc.
Some of us at EC are called to bring our unique selves to the world. For example, I am telling the story of my life on my website on the internet. That may look a lot like narcissistic behavior to other members. I wonder if such behavior triggers anyone? In my opinion, not bringing your unique gift out in the open is unhealthy.
You can do it in a way that “finds the others” and you can do it in a way that allows for the “hungry ghosts” to find you, along with the difficult lessons they teach.
So far I have not observed any hungry ghosts at EC, except perhaps one. But they will probably come. And I think we can handle that if it happens.
For twenty-five years I was a True Believer and a member of a benign Christian cult. There were benefits. We were a strong community with shared beliefs and values. Almost all of us held the same view of reality. Inside this community I was able to form meaningful relationships with some people who would have seemed strange had I met them on the outside. A few of the friendships that formed during my cult years survived after we exited the cult and went in a different direction.
It is my sense that now as a member of Emergent Commons I am again in a community where I can build meaningful relationships with people that I might have thought strange had we met elsewhere.
One such person is Monika Bravo. Perhaps we can advance our relationship with some exploration of triggering. She has expressed some of her thoughts in an article, Swimming - Triggers + Resolutions, which I have read twice.
…finding out how it feels to be alone and intimate with my emotional needs?
Being alone with my emotional needs is something I often experience.
So the shadow that I get triggered by at times happens but now I’m almost able to put the whole thing in slow motion, so I can take small steps to work and embody that perception, that perspective, in the moment, and then do somatic practice where I do my breathing and I sense those feelings in my body.
I am a long way from being able to react in slow motion when triggered.
One of my triggers is when I see that somebody I know expresses something creatively that I have thought of before, but I haven’t had the time to do it, so there’s competition there.
This is not one of my triggers, but I can relate to the result.
I don’t feel seen or heard, I don’t feel that I have the importance to be recognized...
Yes, Monika, not feeling seen or heard triggers me, but not in your context.
I don’t fight, I don’t push, and I withdraw…
Yes, withdrawal is one of my favorite coping strategies. At one time I blocked several EC members and avoided their posts and comments. But now I am facing my discomfort more directly. And as time passes that discomfort is beginning to fade. And I see a path beyond being triggered to a place of meaningful relationships.
…an awareness that needs some attention and focus on the individual part of ourselves–not through the collective, not through the relationship to others.
Is resolving triggered behavior individual work or collective work? The answer is, of course, BOTH / AND. Monika seems to have a deep understanding of this perspective.
There is lots more in the article that resonates with me but I won’t take more time to capture my thoughts in writing.
The part of Monika Bravo that is strange to me is her frequent references to astrology. Those are meaningless to me. They do not annoy me but I read past them to the parts of the article that are of interest.
I have read Monika’s bio. She is an artist, has the soul of an artist and twenty years ago I would have found anyone with the soul of an artist strange. Now I am hoping for some reciprocity, that she will take some time to get to know me better.