A lot has shifted for me at Emergent Commons in the past few months. Events have led me to a decision to terminate my EC membership before the end of 2023. However, I very much feel that I am moving forward in a good way and I am excited about the possibilities for 2024.
All things considered, Emergent Commons, which I joined in July 2021, was a very good experience for me. I had two objectives when I joined EC. One objective was satisfied in a way that exceeded my expectations. My other objective was, in hindsight, probably just my hopeless projection, but was also a great learning experience.
I wanted to join an online community in which I could meet people with whom I could build meaningful relationships. In less than three years, I gained more new friends than I had time for, a nice problem to have. Leaving these people has been more difficult emotionally than I anticipated. However, some of these new relationships will probably continue beyond my exit from EC. One relationship is becoming increasingly special and I will write about that elsewhere sometime..
I wanted to join an online community that was part of a metamodern MOVEMENT. No such movement has emerged and conditions do not seem ripe for this to happen anytime soon. And I slowly learned that EC was not a metamodern community, not even in an aspirational way.
In October, one of the most active EC members, who I know well, posted an article entitled "Fuck Psychological Safety" which was later changed to "Psychological Safety - Amended". At the time it felt like a power move against me and two other EC members and we all reacted strongly. In hindsight, it still feels like a power move and it was very effective. However, I am now grateful for what happened as it caused me to reflect on all aspects of my involvement with Emergent Commons. As for my current relationship with that member, we have discussed the matter and we are both fine.
Early in December an EC member who I do not know posted an article in the Commons entitled "The Future of Open Societies". For the record, I was not triggered by this post. However, I did discuss it privately with other trusted EC members. I will not take the time to address the content or tone of this article but both were problematic for me. The post validated my decision months earlier to no longer engage with any post in the Commons and I began limiting my activity to Crews.
Later in December, an EC member indicated that she would probably leave EC. And that member is the one that has the same strong metamodern vibe that I feel. We seem to spark each other and inspire each other. And we seem to be moving in roughly the same direction at roughly the same pace. I had sparked an interest in her to engage on Substack and we are both now having fun on that platform.
When we reduce our human experience to words, we create a very incomplete story. There is always more to say and I will do so. And after saying more, the story will still be incomplete. That leaves open the door for my readers to project their stuff onto my story. Better would be to contact me for further clarifications.
As I reflected on my volunteer contributions at EC, I realized that I was having little impact. It felt like one of my job experiences. One of the nicest bosses I ever had would generously praise my work with “Great report, John” and that felt good for a while. Then I realized that he had taken no action on any of my recommendations. As an aggressive young middle manager building a career, I wanted to have an impact, make a real difference. So valuing my time and not seeing results, I withdrew from all my volunteer commitments at EC. And I also realized that I had been trying too hard to move EC in directions that I personally favored.
When I first joined EC I soon noticed a strong feminine spirit amongst the Founders, Elders, Super Engagers, Super Volunteers, and members. At times I tried to nudge this spirit in ways that would strengthen it. I had hoped that strong feminine collective leadership would emerge. It did not. Instead, as I experienced EC, the feminine spirit seemed to diminish as a strong masculine spirit seemed to rise.
There was one particular masculine spirit present at EC that I want to get away from. They are a small tribe of Freedom Fighters. They seem to resist all efforts at EC for boundaries, and for change in general. They seem to oppose all government and institutional authority in society and seem to have little respect for experts of any kind. They wisely oppose the mainstream media but, imo, do not wisely distinguish between very good information and very bad information in the alternative media. And they tend to have strong personalities and loud voices. Ironically, imo, these lovers of freedom are not free but have themselves been captured by extreme ideas about what freedom really is, much more an internal matter than an external matter. And these freedom lovers seem to be supported by some members who seem to believe that something good will inevitably emerge from chaos.
As an aside, there is growing concern that globally governments are moving increasingly in an authoritarian direction. Resistance is easily justified, but this is not my path, not my work to do. My personal path to freedom is realizing that authoritarian governments cannot control my mind. I live as if I am free, while realizing that none of us can ever be totally free. We are all captured by narratives to some degree. Freedom, ironically, imo, comes from knowing we are not free.
EC was birthed at Rebel Wisdom which seemed to manifest a spirit of unity, of likemindedness which led to community. Below the surface, visible to me only in hindsight, were two spirits captured in the name itself. There were the Rebels and there were the Wisdom seekers and both spirits came to Emergent Commons. IMO, the Rebels at EC are rising, the Wisdom seekers are retreating and this and other issues remain unhealthily below the surface.
Another valuable insight from my EC experience is more deeply understanding how difficult achieving cohesive pluralism is in practice. IMO, this is a necessary condition for a better world, not just for better online communities. Apparent unity remains largely an illusion with deep differences just below the surface. I gained a deeper insight into how different we are from each other as unique individuals, something to be both celebrated and to be concerned about.
EC did lead me to the work of Trish Blain and her Four Forces framework which seemed to come to me at the right time. I began to reflect on my life in light of Connection, Expression, Purpose, Growth. I realized, simplistically, that EC is mostly about connection and personal growth while I am probably overly interested in expression and purpose. Looking through the Four Forces framework, we are not a good fit.
I was also discouraged by how little impact the wisdom of Peter Limberg, and other metamodern thinkers, had on EC. I thought his Terrible Communities articles were insightful and could have been a path forward for EC. When I have time, I want to reread these articles and perhaps create a summary. I remain interested in the idea of building successful online global communities.
Another lesson from my EC experience is a deeper realization of my leadership skills, or lack thereof. Leaders have followers and I have few. But my intentions are not to be a Leader nor to gather followers. I am probably more effective as a supporter of leaders rather than being a leader myself. In fact, a fellow traveler in life has sparked a role for the masculine that appeals to me. How about men as soldiers supporting and defending the women who are our Leaders?
Again, saying goodbye to members of the EC community was emotionally more difficult than I had anticipated. There were two small private crews in which I had spent many hours with my crewmates, both very good experiences, and I informed them of my decision. I also sent private emails to nine other members who were special in some way. And I sent the following message to twenty-three other members.
Wow! I have met so many wonderful people at EC over the past 30 months. I am moving on to other things in 2024 so I am now saying goodbye as I have decided to leave EC before the end of this year. Some of you have found me at Substack writing Metamodern Wannabes and all of you are welcome. And feel free to contact me at john.stokdijk@gmail.com. May we all thrive in 2024.
Not all of these relationships will fade away.
My emergent Commons experience is just my experience. Every member will have a unique experience, many very different from mine. Please hold all I have said lightly.